So, You Wanna Know About My Craft?

Alright, since we’re doing this thing, you probably want to know about my craft. Fair warning: if you’re expecting elaborate rituals, a deep reverence for The Old Ways™, or the secret to cosmic enlightenment… you’re gonna be disappointed.

Because here’s the deal—I practice chaos witchcraft, which is basically just a fancy way of saying I believe that magic is about intention, energy, and vibes. The universe doesn’t care if you use a gilded athame or a butter knife you grabbed from the sink. What matters is what you put into it.

If you’re still here, congrats! You might just be my kind of witch.

Chaos Witchcraft: Powered by Vibes and Caffeine

Let’s get one thing straight: magic isn’t about the tools, it’s about the energy. You can have a whole-ass apothecary of herbs, a meticulously organized grimoire, and the most aesthetically pleasing altar ever… but if your energy is off, your spell is gonna flop harder than a Netflix adaptation of your favorite book.

So, what does matter?

☕ Intention – The real magic is in what you put out into the world. Want protection? Stand in your power. Want to manifest something? Believe in it like a cryptid believes in staying blurry.

🔥 Adaptability – Chaos magic is DIY magic. No candle? Use a flashlight. No altar? Your nightstand will do. No patience for a full moon ritual? Manifest that shit right now.

🎤 Petty Magic (because fun is important) – Am I cursing bloodlines? No. Am I occasionally throwing out small, harmless curses like may their earbuds always be tangled? Absolutely.

My Favorite Hobby: Handing Out Mild Inconveniences

Speaking of being petty, look, I’m not out here summoning spirits to haunt people (too much effort, not enough coffee). But I do enjoy making sure the universe knows when someone deserves to suffer in the tiniest, most annoying ways possible, my favorites are:

• May their socks always be just slightly damp.
• May their phone charger only work at one very specific angle.
• May their YouTube videos buffer at the worst possible moments.
• May they always feel like they’re forgetting something, but never figure out what.
• May every shopping cart they pick have one rogue wheel that fights for its life.

This isn’t “dark magic.” This is balance. This is justice. This is me being a menace with the power of intention and a little too much free time.

No Ritual? No Problem.

If you love full moon rituals with incense and chanting, go for it.

If you hate spending more than 30 seconds on a spell, same.

Most days magic looks less like a cinematic séance and more like aggressively stirring my iced coffee counterclockwise while whispering “begone, negativity.”

The truth? Magic works because you believe it does. That’s the whole secret. Tools and rituals are just props to help you focus. If you feel powerful lighting a candle, do it. If you feel powerful flipping off the sky and saying “let’s make this happen”, also valid.

The One Rule of My Craft: Don’t Be a Trash Human

Look, energy is a boomerang. If you’re out here throwing curses at your ex’s new girlfriend just because you’re salty, don’t be surprised when your mascara starts smudging at inopportune moments. Be responsible with your power.

That said, a little light chaos never hurt anyone.

Welcome to My Den of Chaos

So yeah, this is my craft, these are my beliefs, and this is my brand new little corner of the internet. Take it or leave it. If you’re here for the mystical superiority complex, you took a wrong turn. If you’re here for witchcraft that’s accessible, fun, and just a little bit unhinged? You’re in the right place.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some iced coffee to finish and some minor inconveniences to manifest.

💀✨ Jess